Crypto Bonfire

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This week, we saw… MAN FUCK THIS WEEK.

When are you going to clean your act up and be more professional?

Will Smith don’t gotta to cuss on raps to sell Schmoozeletters.  Well, I do.  So fuck him.  And fuck you too. 

When are you going to give this cryptoeconomy some respect?

It’s a crypto bonfire.  Turn the lights out.  I’m burning everything you motherfuckers talk about. 

Beat drops.

Uh

Baby Buffet on the mic

Leggo

You say, “what do you know?

You’re finance bro.

Doing lines of blow.”

Well I’ll learn you son, before you go

Bout a little thing, called cashflow

I’m talking real cash, I’m talking real dough

Not your shitcoins, not your crypto

I’m talking real bread, like sandwich bread

Mess with me, I’ll be spraying lead

Until you can buy bread with Cardano

It ain’t a currency, now watch me flow

So here’s the problem, that I see

Is it supposed to be currency?

It ain’t buying shit, not currently

No one’s gettin groceries with their BNB

So here’s the problem, that I see

Can’t we already pay, digitally?

We got venmo, we got cashapp

We got credit cards: pay with a tap

Hit me on whatsapp

I’ll make ya booty clap

And I’m just getting started, with this rap

“Okaaaaaaaaay, boomer.

Haven’t you been told?

You got a brain tumor?

It’s digital gold”

The thing with gold

Is it’s fucking cold

It’s heavy, it’s shiny, it’s a million years old

From King Tut

To Bumblefuck

From Pirates Bay

To modern day

Drop nugs on the table and they say,

“That shit’s got value. That’s here to stay”

But digital gold, ain’t like regular gold

It ain’t something you can see

It ain’t something you can hold

Remember NFTs? Remember digital art?

Weather boy nerds gave em their whole heart

Apathetic monkeys were the future he said

Now lil Stevie D’s wallet is behind the woodshed

“But spot ETFs! But spot ETFs!

It’s legit now, it’s got SEC refs!”

Oh it’s true, bitty got the spot

Inflows be pumpin and the spot is hot

But the question is, has it cracked yet?

‘Cause spot bout the underlying asset

So a spot for real gold, gonna do well

As long as bling flash, as long as jewelry sell

But a spot for crypto ain’t the same thing

Digital gold ain’t got the same ring

For rings, you need gold by the ounce

Gimme a beat this fire, ya boy pounce

If you holding, it’s time to renounce

Exit at the top or try to catch the bounce

“You don’t get it bro

It’s unregulated

Uncle Sam don’t know

It can’t be confiscated”

Now Uncle Sam, can be a little slow

Here is one thing, that I do know

Sammy gets his

Best the in the biz

Breaking down your door when you takin a whiz

Hens love my rizz

I got beatz like swizz

Talking bout your “secret” coins I got a lil quiz

Remember that thing called the block chain?

Recording transactions all the time, mane?

Sammy do too

He coming for you

The era of no terror is bout to be thru

So here’s the problem, that I see

Errybody’s talking like its risk free

Telling Granny to put her savings in XRP

You paying Granny back when it’s just debris?

When we talkin Granny’s money, homie, I don’t play

So strap the fuck in, clear the rest of your day

I’ve had to listen to you bitches talkin out yer ass

I’m putting all my counterpoints in this masterclass

So here’s the problem, that I see

All these coins supposed to work, simultaneously?

Over 9,000 coins on the base, my G

Doesn’t making me Optimistic if I’m holding OP

So here’s the problem, that I see

This one is just between you and me

Crypto’s been great for one thing, I agree

That is moving dirty money from sea to sea

Lil Sammy Bank Fraud and his boy CZ

Were the toast of the town on CNBC

Knew their money was coming from human trade

But no big deal for them, as long as they got paid

Effectively, that doesn’t seem too altruistic

Not getting outta jail just because you’re autistic

That’s not a shot at the spectrum, it’s what his lawyers did try

Still got to rip people off, with an IQ in the sky

Uncle Sam, not a fan, of Sammy Bank’s style

If coins go missing, might come back in a while

From the start, FTX was getting hacked to pieces

Put the hackers on retainer, just to keep em on leashes

So here’s the problem, that I see

Holding coins on exchanges is mighty risky

Unregulated is fun

Until there’s a run

Your coinys be done

FTX to the moon, until it hit the sun

Word travels fast when it comes to money

Binance ain’t get bailed out by the FDIC

If you got cash in the bank

And the market do tank

No need to worry

Or withdraw in a hurry

Regulation ain’t whack

Uncle Sam guards your rack

Quarter mil you can stack

Bank go down and the Feds pay you back

So here’s the problem, that I see

You don’t actually want anonymity

Someone takes your wallet after beating that ass

Gets your cards, tit pics, and of course, your cash

Just cancel your card, get a new one

It ain’t that bad, although it ain’t that fun

But if a real life bad guy, takes your paper key

Points a real life gun, to get your virtual chi

Or if Zuckerberg snipes you from the Metaverse

Puts your digital wallet in a digital hearse

Ain’t no ‘toe police for taking cryp from the crib

Trade your coin for paper now, or you’ll wish you did

So here’s the problem, that I see

We supposed to get value from utility?

Because a coin got a function that’s super cool

Doesn’t mean it’ll be worth a royal family jewel

Can function fine, and not be worth a lot

With arbitrary values, don’t buy when it’s hot

So here’s the problem, that I see

Errybody saying the phrase they think is key

“Gonna be worth a lot of scratch one day, you’ll see”

Earth to this moon chasin, jabroni

Bitch, you didn’t just plant a fucking money tree

When you buying BTC, at over 70 G

Can’t you see that it’s worth a lot, presently

But you ain’t got the scratch now if it’s a long term hold

Might not be worth much when you saggy and old

Tell Matty cashing out’s when fortune favor the bold

Consider this your warning shot, you’ve just been told

So here’s the problem, that I see

You crypto bros just can’t seem to agree

Got the Winklevi twins saying regulate

Since Zuck yoinked the book, it’s theft they hate

Coinbase is the man trying to play the straight

Got Satoshi and the purists just irate

Purists’ stance is regulation can go to hell

Want the money off grid coming from they own well

But Nakamoto said the point was to buy and sell

How many purists using bitty to get they hair gel?

Needs regulation to be accepted by the masses

But the founder hates the banks and they dirty grubby asses

The cryptonians can squabble as I’m hitting this bong

Somehow everybody right and everybody wrong

So here’s the problem, that I see

The opportunity cost of your BTC

If cryp makes it all the way to the moon

The prices soar, and the aglos swoon

Spot be the hottest thing since sliced bread

And you can get the gains from a market index instead

But if the moon landing fails and you’re seeing red

Market index just fine when lil bitty spot dead

So here’s the problem, that I see

You think governments will go, quietly?

Borders will break down, harmoniously?

Every nation printing money say, “Gosh, golly

Need to control the money supply to survive

I guess we’ll just die, so your Ethe can thrive

Can’t pay the army, we’ll just tell em so long

It will be fine, what could go wrong?”

Miss me with this shit about it unify the globe

Put your tinfoil hat back in the wardrobe

Communism is great too, philosophically

But it only works in paper theories for your PHD

So here’s the problem, that I see

You wanna compete with the military?

Buying coins to flip for cash?

That’s one thing, I guess

Thinking coins replacing cash?

Pssh, don’t even mess

You got a new system with your own rules

Vs the world war champs of smashing fools

You ain’t that smart, you ain’t no scholar

If you think you got a shot against the US dollar

Banking system ain’t some rinky dink maker of widgets

You trying to take them down, you can lose my digits

Uncle Sam ‘ell whip that ass to Timbuktu

Only thing going down here, homie, is you

Hate to burst your bubble, but the bubble gonna burst

If you ain’t heard it before, let me be the first

It could be tomorrow, or it could be a year

The tides will turn, and then comes the fear

Everyone getting in now just to ride the wave

Will be the first to get out when it takes a shave

It’s not a religion, don’t be a crypto slave

The choice is paper hands or a diamond grave

Whenever the hype machine gets out of control

Daveyboy is here to make your eyes roll

Don’t wanna hear it, but deep down you know

Shouldn’t be betting the mortgage on risky crypto

So when the inflows, go bye-bye

I’ll be in Mexico, sippin a mai thai

‘Cause I got dividends, paying real cash

You got speculation for your sorry ass

What CPA you know, got a flow, this nice

Lyrics this hot, better read this shit twice

Finance rap god, ‘cause my info so tight

Wanna get your dough right

Click the mother fucking site

Killing this beat like Michael Myers

Beating these Commi’s like the Broad Street Flyers

Burning every coin I see, in these bonfires

Got Powers like Austin, Michael Myers

I’ll rhyme Myers with Myers right in yo face

I’ll kill your crypto dreams at a rapid pace

Who wants it next?  Who’s getting the mace?

YouTube Finance “experts”? You can have a taste

Dave Ramsey can kiss my nuts

Graham Stephan can suck some butts

Ross the Warrior is a pumpy bitch

Don’t follow fools that won’t make you rich

Shout out the Johnny Bogs, shout out the Warren Bs

Them and Joseph Carlson, are the real OGs

You wanna create wealth, then stick with these

Real wealth creation comes from equities

CUT IT

Final Thought

YMCMB Boi.