Help! I’ve made a bunch of money in non-fungibles

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HELP! I’ve made a bunch of money in non-fungibles.

Congrats! You did it! Everybody has been saying you’re crazy and that your investments are a joke.

Well, suck it, nerds! You’re the NFT King. You’re the crypto Capone. You’re the Ripple ruler. You’re the Pepe jefe. You’re the Stellar Lumens most-stellar-of-humans. Too much?

You have ridden the wave of the hottest trend of the past decade to potential generational wealth! Kudos! But the thing with waves is, you’ve got to get off at some point. No surfer says, “I rode and I rode and I rode, and the wave just kept going to the point where I don’t know how we are speaking right now because I am still on this wave just riding out for eternity.”

But you’ve got a problem.

“My fat ostrich coin is still the best place to keep my money!”

Congrats again, my non-fungible-fan friend, you’ve just stumbled upon the most life- changing comedic weekly finance newsletter you’ll read this week.

This is your step-by-step guide to not saying:

HELP! I’ve lost a bunch of money in non-fungibles.

Step 1: Rip off the Band-Aid

“What? No!” “It’s the best!” “We’re only at the start!” “It’s gonna go up so much more!” “Blah. Blah. Blah.”

Look, man. You did it. Some people may only be at the start. But not you! You got there. You’ve got a seven-figure profit in unrealized gains. It’s time to cash in.

It’s time to turn that virtual reality into a reality. It’s time to sell. And not for zoot loot. For United States dollars.

Fun Fact: United States dollars are virtual. So you don’t need Scrooge McDuck’s vault to hold your old new money.

Step 2: Do Some Math

“These steps suck.” “I hate math!”

It’s okay. You only need a napkin for this math. Simply:

HOW MANY US DOLLARS YOU RECEIVED – HOW MANY US DOLLARS YOU PAID = GAIN

Stay with me. Just a bit more math.

GAIN × 40% = CHUNK FOR THE TAX MAN

HOW MANY US DOLLARS YOU RECEIVED – CHUNK FOR THE TAX MAN = NEW CHUNK

I know. I know. You hate the government. You hate taxes. You got into this to be off-grid and keep Uncle Sam’s nose out of your finances.

Bad news, muchacho. Non-fungibles are mainstream. It’s extremely on-grid. There’s a crypto guy in the White House who has appointed all crypto advisors. Do you think, as time goes on, the IRS is less likely to find your virtual treasure trove or more?

Some good news: it might not actually be 40%. It could be as low as zero. Probably not. But the point is, we’re estimating the high end so when you do your taxes, you have plenty of cash to cover it.

Step 3: Become a Cash Cow

You’ve done your math. Put CHUNK FOR THE TAX MAN in a high-yield savings account and let it sit until tax time. Probably best to open a new account just for that. Any will do. Here are some fine ones:

Now, for your NEW CHUNK, you want to live off that. You want that to set yourself up so you never have to work again. You want that paying you real cash at regular intervals each year. You want those payments to increase faster than inflation so you are getting richer and richer each year.

You want it in an investment that will never go away. An investment that is diversified across the economy so, as long as we’re still consuming food and watching entertainment, it’s still there.

You want to put that NEW CHUNK into Vanguard or Robinhood or XYZ broker and invest it into:

SCHD

This is an index of 100 of the best dividend payers, and even though the process is all online, they fungible. The important figure about this fund, other than everything I said above, is the “Dividend Growth Rate.”

Once you put NEW CHUNK into this, you just sit back and let the money roll in. This fund has a ten-year “Dividend Growth Rate” of over 11%. So that real money that’s rolling in is growing at double digits per year.

Let’s say you put $500k in TubOfLardEmuCoin, and you sell it for $4.5M. You would have a GAIN of $4M and a NEW CHUNK to invest in SCHD of $2,900,000.

At the current yield, you would be generating real cash payments of over $100k per year. This is without ever selling any shares or touching anything for the rest of your life.

With the “Dividend Growth Rate” of 11%, in ten years, you would be generating real cash payments of over $300k per year. This is without ever selling any shares or touching anything for the rest of your life.

With a “Dividend Growth Rate” of only 10%, in thirty years, you would be generating real cash payments of over $1.8M per year. This is without ever selling any shares or touching anything for the rest of your life.

Think future generations might be happy with your move?