Tax Dollars for Shitcoins: An Executive Order
Welcome to the Schmoozeletter Blog. Your source for weekly water cooler wisecracks from the world of finance. If you have an opinion different than mine or a topic you want to hear about, let me know!
This week was all about The Don.
What was your favorite part of inauguration day?
Mine was that Trump pardoned ALL the rioters who stormed the Capitol on January 6th and killed a police officer.
Shoutout to my BLUE LIVES MATTER CREW!
Donny and I cannot state this clearly enough:
BLUE LIVES MATTER, unless…
The police are standing in front of an angry mob looking to overthrow our democracy. Then you have license to kill with no repercussions—in the name of
Donald J. Trump.
But the pardons didn’t stop there!
Back in the day on the dark web, you could use crypto to get drugs and fake IDs delivered straight to your door anonymously on a site called the Silk Road. The feds eventually put a stop to it, and the kingpin got life in prison.
What was the logic behind this one?
Was he wrongly convicted?
Did 47 think the crime wasn’t that bad?
Nah, as this article mentions, Donny has said we should execute drug traffickers.
He got the pardon because ol’ Don hates the party who put Mr. Silky in jail and likes the party that wanted him out.
Lol.
Remember, kids: all crime is legal as long as you’re an influential supporter of
Donald J. Trump.
But let’s talk finance.
Last week, Trump released a meme coin with tokenomics worse than what got Hawk Tuah girl chased off the internet. But what’s better than an official Trump family shitcoin?
Two official Trump family shitcoins!
Join the very special community. Reminds me a lot of Bernie Madoff’s community.
We also had Donny’s executive order on crypto. Here are my favorite parts:
There is going to be a crypto council with a crypto czar.
And here’s what I’m really excited about:
They have 180 days to come up with a regulatory framework. This, I am absolutely going to LOVE to read. The last guy who tried to regulate crypto has his head on a spike outside SEC headquarters.
And the Winklevi know evil. They once saw Eduardo cannibalize a chicken at Harvard.
How do you regulate crypto?
Credit where credit is due—Trump is excellent at one thing: mudslinging. He is the best at saying,
“Oh, that thing you don’t like? I don’t like it either!”
Guess what, Big D? The thing the cryptonians don’t like is regulation. And now you have to write the regulation. Good luck with that.
Now, you might be asking the question: “If crypto is so great and blockchain technology is the future and all that, why doesn’t the U.S. government come up with its own official coin?”
Something like USA Token, Virtual United States Dollar, or BaseBallAndApplePie Coin.
What you’re describing is a Central Bank Digital Currency (CBDC), and you would be an absolute moron.
Don’t you know they threaten the stability of the financial system?!
There’s no mention of why or how they threaten the stability of the financial system, so I guess we’ll just have to take Trump’s word for it.
But simple economics will tell you that creating a new CBDC would put all of the American people on a level playing field. Everyone would start out with zero of it. There would be no advantage to early adopters who’ve been stockpiling their coins for years—or presidents who just created a meme coin that they own 80% of.
Which leads us to the crux of the executive order:
Tax Dollars for Shitcoins
National Digital Asset Stockpile.
This executive order came out near the close of trading on Thursday. I had a chart of Bitcoin up at the time. I, like a lot of people, was expecting Bitcoin to rip higher on news of a:
Strategic Bitcoin Reserve.
But Bitcoin actually sold off on this executive order. There is no reference specifically to Bitcoin. There’s no Lummis special saying the U.S. “must purchase one million Bitcoins.” The stockpile’s Bitcoin could just be the amount already seized by the government.
It is not a Bitcoin stockpile. It is a stockpile for multiple:
Digital Assets
So, if the United States is banned from making a new CBDC and the government will be using our taxes to purchase digital assets for a stockpile, I wonder which digital assets they will choose?
Final Thought
The market is at all-time highs, and the economy is strong—just like it’s been for multiple years. People start to do strange things when we get into prolonged bull runs.
They start to believe you can buy stocks with money you don’t have, that the fundamentals of a company don’t matter as long as “.com” is in the title, and that a pool of people who can’t pay their mortgages is the safest investment out there.
Or that magic internet coins will be worth millions of dollars.
